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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Loved by the Untamed Mountain and the Calm Sea -- my Toastmasters speech for Father's Day


FEATURISTIC:

In a few hours, the whole world will celebrate again Father's Day.  And again, I cannot join this wonderful occasion as my father already passed away eight years ago.  And everytime this day comes, it makes me look back at the Toastmasters speech I composed and delivered during the Father's Day celebration in 2006 entitled "Loved by the Untamed Mountain and the Calm Sea".  Honestly, I am having second thoughts if I should post this on my blog because I'm opening a very sensitive part of myself and my family but I thought, I wrote and delivered this several years ago and it only means that I'm ready to share this piece of my life so others may get inspired and learn from it. 

So, without further ado, here's the Toastmasters speech I'm talking about...

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Loved by the Untamed Mountain and the Calm Sea
by Ferdinand L. Bondoy

Honor thy father and thy mother. This is God’s fourth commandment. 'But what will you do if you don't feel that honored at all and you can't obey this commandment?

Let me tell you this story.

My father was a typical Filipino father. He sent us to a Catholic school but he never believed in priests. He read the bible often but he hardly brought the whole family to church on Sundays. He demanded that the whole family should eat together but he never initiated saying grace before meals. He was intelligent and had a great career but he was also proud and short-tempered. He loved the kitchen, books and plants but he also adored hard liquor and cigars. Indeed, he was an untamed mountain, wild and free, mysterious and hard to climb.

Untamed Mountain

As a child, I had a picture of how an ideal father should be. And his face was never the picture I saw. I had a regard for him as my father, as we all normally feel towards our dads. And despite the fact that he valued me so much as I am the youngest and inherited his wit, I barely reciprocated the feeling. At that time, I thought the arrangement was enough.

So the set-up continued and was generally accepted until a few days before I reached the summit of my hard work, my graduation in college, my father had an accident. He fell from the stairs of a three-storey house and his spinal chord was severely injured and damaged. This made him completely bed ridden and unable to recover. He suddenly transformed into a calm sea; silent and still but in pain and agony.

Calm Sea

Instead of becoming compassionate, I turned furious then. How could someone who gave me many disappointments ruin the most important day of my life? I’ve always dreamt of that moment when my parents will be proudly handing over my medal and diploma, the fruits of my hard work, blood, sweat and tears. My father wanted and was very much happy with this recognition but when I finally got it, how can he then come up to the stage?  The supposed summit of my academic career had a detour and I was devastated by that unexpected landslide. I hated him... I denied God’s existence... and I was angry with the injustice and inequality that I faced. And you couldn’t imagine how my character turned so black at that time.

However, in my eruption and in my darkest hours, a light guided me to reason and wisdom. It was  my mom who served as the guiding light. In one serious talk we had, she told me, “I also feel like quitting. And I want to join you.” And it made me stop and think because I never planned and wanted that to happen. If I wanted to be heartless, that would only be me alone and I wouldn’t want anyone from my family be like me. It was another turning point. So as the light cleared the ashes that I threw into the air, I again sailed the calm sea. Together with my mom and my brother Kuya Jojo, we all put ourselves as second priority and took care of my father. Together, we attended to his needs; we fed him; we bathed him; we carried him; we looked for and tried many ways to help him recover; and ultimately, we cared for him more than ever. At the time when it’s most difficult to us, when my father barely moved, I’ve learned to love and care for him even more. The tragedy, though difficult and unimaginable to go through, became an opportunity for me to see the hidden treasures of the calm sea: the corals that signify the home I grew up with, the fishes that symbolize the food we ate in every meal and the salt water that shows the unconditional love of a father to his family.

And as I walked through the fine beaches of the calm sea, I noticed the backdrop of what used to be an untamed mountain. I realized that the mountain ranges were beautiful at large. I may have been at lost trekking the forest of the untamed mountain but I was fed by its fruits and protected by the shades of its trees. Before, all I saw was the difficulty of climbing its slopes but I never realized that the gold lies beneath.

 My father, Remigio (Emeng, Remy, RBB) B. Bondoy

He was a provider. He valued education. He ensured that there’s always food on our table. His spirituality may be unconventional but in his own ways, he taught us to be fair, responsible, humane, and God fearing.

Right then, I missed the normal dad I couldn’t get along with. I told myself, have I had serious talks with my dad before, I could have made better decisions.

And that night, I had a dream. My father was standing and called me. “What is it that you want to tell me? I’m here, standing; I can stand by myself now. Come on, you can talk to me,” he said. I wasn’t able to speak a word and I just hurriedly embraced him and cried like a little child, thinking and wishing that if I hug more tightly and won't let go, this dream is indeed true, he really can stand and walk again. But when I woke up, the only truth that faced me are the tears continuously pouring down to my cheeks.  I then hurried to his room and saw him lying and sleeping on his bed.  And seeing him still alive and resting well is an enough relief for me.

'But I think the dream I had was a sign as a few weeks after, the calm sea started to dry up. I was headed home from work when I got a call from my uncle (Tito Nono) telling me to hurry up so I could still see my father and say goodbye. Again, it made me stop and think. Was I ready? Have I done my part? Was my care enough? Have I been forgiven?

What really torn my heart apart was despite the fact that he was in a coma and battling for his breathe, I needed to leave the next day to fulfill a sensitive obligation at work that no one else can do. I swear, I didn’t want to leave and didn’t care about the repercussions; but my family reminded me of what my father always told us: to be responsible no matter what. So as I painfully looked at the last moments of his life, I embraced him tightly; wishing that I need not go and afraid that I may not see him again when I come back. But again, I became an ungrateful son as I defied my heart’s will.

The society dictates how parents should be. It’s in the bible, it’s in our revised family code, and it’s in our culture. They should be fair with their children. They should be good providers. They should be morally upright citizens. They should be perfect role models. And we, as children, caged our parents in these standards. And if these standards aren’t religiously met, we judge them; we blame them, that easily and blindly not realizing that our parents are humans too. Like us, they have their good and bad sides, their strengths and weaknesses, their ups and downs, and they sometimes do it right but they also sometimes fail. But unlike us, they are able to accept and love their children no matter how their youngsters have become.

My father was never the ideal father I pictured out but he was the real father I loved and will ever love given the second chance. Despite my imperfections as a son, and as a human, he taught me many things, and loved me whether he was as strong as the untamed mountain or as silent as the calm sea.

Remigio B. Bondoy
December 19, 1943 to June 07, 2002
--- end ---

To my readers, may I also greet you or your spouse or your dad a very Happy Father's Day!

My baptism at Sta. Ana Church in Manila

with my Mama, Papa, Ninangs and Ninong

Family outing

Christmas in Malolos

17 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, and such wonderful touching words. You made me cry. Thank you for sharing :-)

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  2. Ferds, this is very inspiring.

    To me, this paragraph made me realize how lucky we are as our parents' kiddo; and how we should replicate, if not do better, what they did to us: "The society dictates how parents should be. It’s in the bible, it’s in our revised family code, and it’s in our culture. They should be fair with their children. They should be good providers. They should be morally upright citizens. They should be perfect role models. And we, as children, caged our parents in these standards. And if these standards aren’t religiously met, we judge them; we blame them, that easily and blindly not realizing that our parents are humans too. Like us, they have their good and bad sides, their strengths and weaknesses, their ups and downs, and they sometimes do it right but they also sometimes fail. But unlike us, they are able to accept and love their children no matter how their youngsters have become."

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  3. I can completely feel all the emotions while you were writing this and that speech. In a way, I can relate because my dad has never been the ideal father. He didn't provide for us and he hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally when I was a kid 'til my late teens. But, as I grew older, all the pain faded away as I learned to forgive him. Now, we have a better relationship and I believe, especially after the past week, he now regrets how he mistreated me as a kid. I've already told him I have forgiven him before and I hope how I'm treating him now shows him I don't need a formal apology from him. I have forgiven him. :)

    I agree with you, our parents are humans too. They make mistakes. And they also deserve our forgiveness and understanding... something I learned through the years. And I hope to instill that if in case I'm blessed with my own kid/s in the future.

    *hugs* Thanks for sharing this, Ferds. I miss yah! See yah soon. :)

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  4. Pinaiyak mo lang ako. Hmp!
    But, indeed, written beautifully. :-)

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  5. I suddenly miss my father too (FPJ Sr.) your story is also similar with mine that is why it touched me. Thank you for sharing!

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  6. i'm speechless ferdie. but i wish that someday, you will accept the reality that he is gone and is now with God's kingdom. and that you'll get more stronger for your family.

    thanks for sharing this.

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  7. True, our parents are human too and despite their shortcomings, we should learn to forgive just as they continue to love us when we, in turn, hurt them.

    My Tatay was not a perfect dad, too, but we had become closest the past few months before he passed away in May 2000. I am grateful for that time given to us. I still miss him dearly until now. It still breaks my heart though when the family gets together. I could easily imagine him enjoying all his seven grandchildren today.

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  8. I also didn't have a good relationship with dad when we were growing up.. We hate the time that he would stay at home, he's always that strict and we dont want him around. But now I try to live with the God's commandment - to respect and obey parents. It makes me feel better than to live with anger. God bless Ferdz. Thank you for sharing. I am sure your dad is proud of your achievements. :)

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  9. "My father was never the ideal father I pictured out but he was the real father I loved and will ever love given the second chance."

    Ka-relate ako sa line na 'to, Ferds. Di ko alam that you've gone through such tough times kasi pag nagkikita tayo, all smiles ka palagi. See you soon and advance merry Christmas to you and your family. God bless! :-)

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  10. I am honored to have met a part of your father thru you.

    Thank you for opening up and sharing this Ferdie.

    Let's have an afternoon of coffee, food, stories and wifi together...

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  11. A post worth reading, a story worth sharing. I envy you for having a father like him. I never knew my real father, I raised by my tito and tita as their own. My biological mom was my mom's sister.

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  12. This is very touching, Ferds!
    Will share this ha?

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  13. I was touched! Sabi nga nila, ang mga anak kayang tiisin ang mga magulang, pero ang mga magulang hindi kayang tiisin ang mga anak nila. I guess the lesson here is that we should make our parents (and other loved ones) feel how much we value and love them at every chance possible. Also, admission and forgiveness, just like freedom, can set us free.

    Merry Christmas, Ferdie! :)

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  14. hi folks! am overwhelmed by your kind words and honored with your sharing of your inspiring stories as well. :)

    hi bea! thanks so much. i hope to see you again soon. :)

    heiya gian, thanks too bro. :) 'hope to catch up with you soon!

    hi mhel! let me hug you too. :) am honored that you shared your story here. and am happy that you have overcome the situation and you're in a better state now. keep it up! kitakits soon ha? :) 'hope we can have more time this year.

    hi alex, thanks a lot. i hope that you may fully recover soon. yung tipong, when you remember your dad, it will be more of tears of joy na. :) for sure, he is happy and at peace where he is right now. sorry kung napaiyak kita :)

    hi fpj, this story allowed me to know more of you. thanks! :)

    hi jeman, being able to make you speechless is something :) thanks a lot! let's make 2012 the year for the bloggies! :)

    hi ate barbie! we share not just our passion for writing and blogging, but our love for our dads. :) thanks a lot! :) let's rock 2012! :)

    ruthilicious, am honored that you shared a piece of your story as well. in a short time, you became dear to me. thanks for the kind words. see you soon! :)

    hi richard, nagulat ba kita? hehe, but thanks bro. 'hope to see more of you this year. :) merry christmas and happy new year too!

    hi maan, coming from you, am flattered :) thanks and see you next time ha.

    heiya lolo myke! big thanks as well. we have a good start in 2012, let's do more of that! coffee, chat, food, wifi, anything with the bloggies! :)

    hi ryan, thanks :) but for sure, the love of the parents who raised you is more than enough right? With who you are right now, I think they did a good job. God has a purpose my friend. 'Hope you can spend more time with us, let's have another chat :) Thanks for the kind words and for sharing a part of your life. Am really honored.

    hi sheila! thanks! :) sure, sure, go ahead, you may share this story as well. :) kitakits soon ha? :)

    hi edel! thank you! :) 'hope to see you again next time, angtagal na since the last :) merry christmas too! :)

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  15. Hi-
    My name is Elisabel/Elsie Pineda ,now Roxas.Your Dad -Remigio Bondoy was our classmate in Manils High School-1960.
    I just retired and I now reside in the US since 1968.I have been looking for classmates/friends like your Dad for a reunion.Unfortunately,it is late for him to meet/see us again after so many years.
    Actually,We just had a get-together in Las Vegas Feb.25-March 2,2012.There were 8 of us plus some spouses-Danilo Guevarra,Florante Miranda,Teresita Macato,Edgar Medrano,Precie Calibjo,Lucy Reyes,Ruisenor Marquez and I.We had a good time reminiscing the past and looking forward to the future.However,we are still missing a lot of our classmates/friends and we don't have any idea how and where to look for them.Maybe you could help us?If we find more people,we plan to do it in the Philippines in 2014.
    I am very sorry what he and you went through with this unfortunate incident.Rest assured that we/I will pray for him and keep his memories alive.
    May God be with you always.Keep in touch.Elsie Pineda Roxas.My e-mail-elproxas@gmail.com

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  16. Thanks so much for this message Ms. Elsie (or may I call you Tita Elsie?). :)

    I'm happy to know how my simple blog was able to reach you and let you know about me and my dad. Don't worry on what we've been through, I know that it has a purpose and I've embraced that part of our life. :) Anyway, I'll get in touch with you through your e-mail so I can help you and the rest of your and my dad's classmates to meet again. :)

    Thank you once again. Your message made me smile and inspired me to continue keeping my dad's memory alive. :) God bless!

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